All children grow up sooner or later. Some go into an independent life easily, while others find it harder. Let’s find out how it should happen and what is fraught with the absence of financial separation.
How the Financial Separation Should Take Place
Initially, the child depends on his parents to provide for him completely because he is still too young. But then, as he grows up, he can provide himself with some things. So, the first stage of financial separation most often occurs in adolescence.
That is, all the basic needs — food, clothing, and so on — are given by parents. However, in some financial matters, he already takes responsibility. For example, you need money for a hobby or want to go to the movies with friends, and then, besides studying, he finds a part-time job (walks the neighbors’ dogs, makes deliveries, washes cars, etc.). And he spends this money on his desires.
The second stage of separation is full financial independence, when the child takes full responsibility for his life, earns and provides for himself. Of course, parents can help, but the main expenses are on his shoulders. That is, children are already able to make mature and well-considered decisions.
How to Tell a Child That They Will Be Independent in the Future
It’s unnecessary to hint at or bypass these topics. Children understand everything. Here, it’s easiest to have direct conversations about money, spending, and explaining that food and clothes don’t appear for nothing. You have to work to have money to buy all these things.
Even at a young age, you should talk about it. Then the child will realize that life is organized in this way. This isn’t some sacred information that is given out at a certain age. Besides, the topic of finances and separation shouldn’t be taboo.
Let’s imagine a situation: a person is under 30 years old, doesn’t think about life outside the home, preferably to play at https://bizzocasino.com/ rather than to work, and is sure that for a long time he will live together with his parents, who will provide for him. What to do?
This isn’t as simple as it may seem at first glance. Here we are talking about codependency, which may not be realized. After all, if the parents didn’t want the adult child to live with them, they would do everything to make him move out.
Sometimes one party justifies their behavior in this way, and the other party takes advantage of it. For example, there is no intimacy between the parents, and the fact that the children are near them seems to justify their behavior. They are afraid to admit the problem to themselves, but they have a legitimate excuse.
Separation must come through awareness and understanding that your child is an adult. After all, the most valuable thing a parent can give him is autonomy. And if all people are adults, then it’s necessary to separate because such relationships are harmful because a person will carry this addiction into his future life: he may get into difficult relationships, go to an unloved job and stay there for years, start drinking, and so on.
If people are codependent, it’s important to admit it to themselves and get out of such relationships.
Consider the situation from the other side. The child is ready for an independent life, but parents are strongly opposed to the fact that he moved or worked, and, in every possible way, prevent him from realizing it. Why does this happen and what to do?
Separation is difficult for everyone, especially parents. During their lives, they invest so many emotional and mental resources in their child. And then there comes a moment when they have to let go.
Of course, many experience shock and confusion, wondering: What to do next with their lives? In practice, we can see many mothers whose children have grown up, and they come to therapy because they don’t understand what to do now. For example, a woman was a housewife; she hasn’t worked anywhere for years, and motherhood was the meaning of life, which is lost during separation. That’s why parents are afraid or don’t want to let their children go, it ruins their usual way of life. It’s worth remembering that the line between attachment and dependence is thin.
How to behave? First, it’s necessary to understand that if you keep the child nearby, he will never become independent. Moreover, there is a possibility that all his actions, when he finally gets out of the tutelage, will be aimed at proving to parents that he is the best. That is, he will be driven not by a desire to really become successful, but by a competitive feeling. This is already a counter-dependency.
To work through this problem, parents need to turn their attention to themselves and their personal lives to become more holistic. Children should realize that their parents have given them life, and they should be grateful to them. But at the same time, one shouldn’t go to the other extreme and act out of guilt, duty, etc. We should learn to live life in such a way that we don’t depend on anyone.
What Is the Danger of a Lack of Separation for Children and Parents?
It’s fraught with codependency. That is, parents and children cannot “let go” of each other and live an unfree life. Their actions can be determined, for example, by a feeling of guilt. For example, a person does something to please his mother, but not because he wants to. He thinks he is bad, and what should he do with this emotion? One can go out for a drink, go out to eat, or go into an abusive relationship. In the end, instead of joy and ease, the realization that he owes someone something is weighing on him.
You see, in separation, the breakup is just the first step. Then, children should realize that, with their parents, if possible, they should try to build a relationship of love and mutual respect. Not to expect support, affection, or advice from them, but to try to help them. That is, the roles should change as a result. If this doesn’t happen, codependency will be reproduced both at work and in relationships. Many people don’t realize it. They think that life just happened that way.
There are many things that this can be fraught with. If you don’t realize that you can separate from your parents, build your personality by knowing how to listen to yourself. If communicating with them makes you regress into a helpless child, you have to keep on the defensive.
